the dance of letting things go…
I love this photo so much. But only I will know the lonely and deep work it represents, and my personal sense of victory.
Daniel did love to keep ALL of the papers, documenting ALL of the things. Which is one of the qualities I loved about him.
It was such a process to follow the memory-crumbs of each complicated year now residing within a simple shoe box. Deciding what to keep or shred. Each shoe box contained a snapshot of a life well-lived. Filled to the brim with evidence of a year together. Mostly loose receipts. But for each (of many) trips, he would gather into a manilla envelope: the maps, coasters, bills, flight stubs, napkins, and other bits he picked up along the way.
We packed so much life into the adventure department. Traveling the world by planes, trains, automobiles, boats, bicyclettes, scooters, and Harleys (yes, his + hers!)
What I didn't realize is that over the years I had begun to rely on him as MY filing system. For logging all the details and taking all the photos of everywhere we had been (he documented EVERYTHING!).
I loved how it freed me up to be present to the experience of the journey knowing he was cataloguing every curve of every road. All I would have to say was “Hey babe, where in Italy was that heavenly truffle-filled tortellini?” And Boom! He would provide all the particulars (and more).
Buy honestly, this tortellini was soooooooooo delicious that I used to joke that one day we would fly back there just to have another plate of those soft pillowy truffle-filled torts. But nope. I have no idea how to find my way back, although now that I think about it I can probably find the receipt in one of those manilla envelopes.
As a result, so many of the details of my own lived experience floated away with him. But thankfully, he unknowingly left a roadmap contained in manilla envelopes and shoe boxes. And I am happy to report that I have been reclaiming my own inner librarian, with my own shoe box life-documentation system.
Sometimes I think grievers rush to get rid of their person’s things. There is also so much judgement and pressure around us to do so. It takes energetic bandwidth which is at an all-time low. And sometimes our knee-jerk reaction is to move it out the door along with the constant reminders of our gaping loss.
But bringing closure to their life through their things can be such an integral part of our healing process, and potentially a rich experience.
I have so much to share about this..to be continued…
xo
Not pictured is the 275 lbs of paperwork on its way to be shredded. For visual reference, that is one Audi all-road station wagon STUFFED to the brim!
