Our pack of three…
My sweet and tender spaniard perro, Chili Pepper Lane, arrived from Sayulita at 5-months-old.
I often catch myself silently asking him “who ARE you?!” Clearly an angel sent to be my guide and snuggle buddy through this section of the road after Daniel heeded a message from mama ayahuasca to “find Stella a dog to put a smile back on her face” when I was daily broken-hearted witnessing his dance with the big C. In part because it meant letting go of starting our family.
In 2010 while we were in Mexico after his first course of chemo, my heart was secretly sinking in paradise as I saw cancer already pushing back. But as per tradition, Daniel stayed behind for solo road-tripping after I flew home.
I still love the part of the story when he sent me a Spanish text and I wasn’t sure after a quick Google translation if he had found a pear tree, a dog, or a baby. My answer? “Yes! Bring it home!” Knowing I would love all of the above. And then the photo above warning me not to open the image unless I was prepared to forever lose my heart. Obviously, I opened it to find Daniel with our pup in his arms. And that is how our version of a family began. Or as Daniel would say “our pack of 3”. Insisting that his office was now the “family room”, often calling family meetings where all three of us were required to attend :-)
I am always fascinated by how people share similar traits with their dogs. And ironically, Daniel found a dog who, as a result of being tossed into the garbage when he was a few weeks old, had no immune system for the first year. And much to my dismay, Chili Pepper is also afraid of everything in this world, just like his mama. But together, we find ourselves seeking out adventure. Both of us willing to be terrified and doing it anyway.
I never knew I could love a creature this much. Chili single-handedly generates enough good energy every single day for the both of us. Greets each morning with a wagging tail and pure optimism that it will be entirely full of treats and belly rubs. And strangely, has taught me so much about rolling with life and unconditional love.
Chili became the greatest comfort to Daniel as he met cancer head-on. The husky sound of love in his voice when he talked about his day with Chili made my heart melt. Bittersweet, knowing that he would be the best dad. The cool dad. Chili always knew when he was having a rough day. Never leaving his side. Literally draping himself on Daniel in full protection.
I snuck Chili into chemo a few times and I swear he knew he was breaking the rules! And when Daniel was in the hospital at the end, he would ask to come home for a nap with his pack of three, on the rare occasion when he was able to unhook from the machinery. And I took Chili Pepper Lane to the ICU to say goodbye. It was an experience I will never forget.
As we navigate our now-pack-of-two, both having lost #1 of our pack, Chili gently nose-bumps me out into life when I would otherwise be permanently installed under the covers. Or when I can’t meet a day, he leans his weight against me until I’m ready to reemerge.
And, he never fails to bring a smile to my face.
